Behavioral interview mistakes: Show your competence first, personality second
How can you create answers that are strong enough to beat all the other candidates?
Many interview coaches will tell you to “show personality” in your answers so you stand out, but that’s a mistake.
You can definitely add “nuggets” of personality here and there but your goal in the interview is to show you have the right skills and experience for the job. You need to load your answers with proof of those, not take up valuable time talking about things that aren’t showing you can do the job.
What does “showing personality” in an interview mean?
Someone might tell you to “show personality” throughout your interview so you’re more memorable.
What does this mean, “showing personality”?
It can mean one of two things:
Showing things besides your professional experience. For instance, you could tell a funny story about something that happened on the way to the interview, tell a joke, or mention an usual hobby you have. Some people fit these “personality bites” in during the small talk, or in their answer to the “Tell me about yourself” question. You could also fit “personality” into your answers to behavioral questions, by telling a story about something personal, not something you did at work.
Being pleasant to talk to, smiling, engaging in small talk, conveying enthusiasm with your voice, etc.
I’m going to focus on #1.
#2 is a different topic. If you normally talk in a monotone, or forget to smile when you’re talking to someone, or don’t make eye contact, these are interpersonal communication fundamentals you need to learn before you can do well in an interview, but I’m not going to write about that now.
An example of how showing personality can hurt you
As an example of adding details that are not strictly related to work in order to stand out, let’s talk about a client I had recently. She had worked with another coach before me who had advised her to “pump up” her stories with catchy “nuggets” so she wasn’t forgettable.
She was a doctor who was applying for an anesthesiology residency program. She had done numerous rotations in different hospitals and had also been working as an anesthesiologist for three years.
The catchy nugget she used was her nickname. She mentioned it at the beginning of her answer to “Tell me about yourself.” It was a silly nickname, something like “Dr Energizer Bunny.”
She wanted to include that in her intro because she thought it added “personality” to it.
I can see why she wanted to add it. Many scientists and other technical people are afraid to seem too intellectual and robotic, so they want to add details that may humanize them. I understand the impulse, but that nickname didn’t accomplish that goal.
The nickname just sounded silly. Maybe it could have worked for a pediatrician, but it didn’t fit an anesthesiologist. It was too casual.
I guarantee that the interviewers had a discussion about how she seemed competent but might not be a good culture fit because of that ridiculous nickname. It didn’t help her, it just distracted them from her excellent skills.
That’s an example of when adding personality hurts you.
Show competence and experience, not personality
Working on crafting stories that make an interviewer emotional is a much better use of your time than thinking of funny jokes. My doctor client should have stuck to her experience and trusted that would be enough.
I remember three things about her very well. I remember the nickname. I remember the story she told about being in charge of her hospital’s COVID task force. And I remember the story she told about having to inform patient families that they would probably not be able to talk to them again once they were intubated.
The nickname did not make me think highly of her but the two stories did. The intubation story made me feel highly emotional and even made me feel like crying – I certainly wouldn’t forget that story. And it was about her doing her job, which would make me want to hire her.
Those aren’t quirky details like nicknames; they’re stories about her doing her difficult job well.
But don’t I need to “show personality” to be memorable to the interviewers?
So I should stick to talking about the job, but what if I’m applying for an SDE 1 role, and I’m an Indian man, or a white man from Michigan. Everyone applying to those roles is the same type of person with comparable experience. Won’t I just blend into the other candidates?
Sure, you may.
But adding “personality” isn’t going to make them choose you over the other candidates.
Like I said before, you have to sell them on your competence.
Things like soft skills, quirks, and values are fine to include in stories, but the stories should basically be about your skills or experience – you showing you are incredibly competent and skilled. The personality can be icing on the cake but shouldn’t be the cake itself.
Telling them a “quirky” or “genuine” story that “shows your values” and “what you stand for” won’t make them hire you instead of another person.
Telling “personality” stories is a waste of valuable interview time
When you’re planning a story, ask yourself if it will be a good use of your interview time. Are you wasting a chance to showcase a professional skill?
Could the time you’re using talking about your personal stuff be better used hitting one of the key skills required for the job?
If the answer is yes, re-think your story. Pick one about a key skill.
Examples of stories that don’t show your competence
I’ve had so many clients tell me a personal story, one they thought was good and gave more insight into their character than a professional story would have, but the story set off a warning bell for me.
You never know what will push your interviewer’s buttons. But it’s a pretty good bet that politics, money, hobbies that show you’re richer or poorer than they are, or anything relating to family might.
I hear these categories of personal stories all the time.
The too-personal personal story
One of my clients talked about overcoming adversity and used the example of how he and his wife had faced infertility. Good story? Sure. Did he tell it well and was it clear? Yes.
Hot button topic
I personally have no interest in or reaction to the fertility topic, but what if that topic was a hot button for the interviewer, as it so easily could have been?
Boring
Even if the listener is neutral on the topic, no one is remotely interested in a stranger’s fertility or lack thereof.
Unrelated to job
And how did fertility relate to the job skills? It didn’t. He wasn’t going to have to overcome infertility in the job, or overcome personal adversity of that nature.
Always ask yourself – is this story showing them I can do the job?
The risk story
Interviewer: “When did you take a risk?”
Interviewee: “I decided to take X job, even though I didn’t know it would work out/I didn’t know how to do the thing/I would be making less money.”
This is a personal story. You think it’s showing how brave you were, but is bravery a job requirement? Maybe if you’re applying to be a combat medic…
Shows lack of work experience
What it’s showing is that you don’t have enough work experience to tell a story from that experience.
Unrelated to job
How does it show them you can do the job they want to hire you for? It doesn’t.
The founder risk story
Interviewer: “When did you take a risk?”
Interviewee: “When I founded my company, X. We sold it in 2022/it failed/my partner bought me out…”
The founder story is a personal story and won’t help you sell yourself unless (A) the job you’re applying for is dealing with the startup or entrepreneur community or dealing with the industry you founded a company in or (B) the interviewer will have heard of your company and be impressed by how big and successful it was.
Connect to job
If it’s (A), you need to connect the dots for me in the story. If it’s (B), you can’t rely on that alone to sell the story. Connect the dots by telling me what you learned that will help you do the new job.
Having founded a company does not make you unique, unfortunately. The fact that I have given this story a name should tell you how many candidates use it. Again, nothing wrong with that, but just being a founder does not make you super-cool. I need something more than that to wow me and show me you can do the job.
The story that makes me uncomfortable
Interviewer: “When did you face a difficult situation with a coworker?”
Interviewee: “When my coworker came to me and told me she had been harassed by the Chair of the department. I wanted to handle this correctly, did research about what to do, and talked to some friends….”
Hot button issue
You think you’re showing how you approached an ethical dilemma carefully, but the interviewer is not getting that from the story. They’re either worrying about the time they may have harassed someone, thinking you handled that too weakly, fuming about #MeToo, or thinking about how their sister got harassed. Whatever thoughts they’re having, they aren’t thinking what a great candidate you are.
This topic should have set off huge warning bells in your head. Imagine if you posted it on Twitter – wouldn’t you get quite a diverse set of reactions?
Bad sign. Avoid.
Not related to job
And it’s a waste of the chance to talk about a situation you might face in the new job.
The family story
Interviewer: “When did you get halfway through something and then have to change your strategy?”
Interviewee: “I was working at Microsoft in the X department and I had to quit my job to go home to India to take care of my mother.”
I hear this one a lot, actually. Is it a common circumstance? Sure. Does it make me want to hire you? Most likely not.
What goes through the interviewer’s mind when they hear this?
Can’t trust you
The most common reaction is that they’ll think you’ll have other family obligations that will take you away from the job again. This is bad.
They may feel a kinship with you if they’ve done something similar or value their family. This could be good.
They may feel scorn for that choice if they care about their career more than their family. This would not be good.
They may feel like telling strangers about your family situation is a bit too much info for the first meeting with someone.
It’s hard to know their reaction, which is why I advise you to skip stories like that.
Unrelated to job skills
Also, how does this sell them on your job skills? It doesn’t.
Strong stories beat personality nuggets every time
Of course they want to hire someone they like. That’s always true in interviews. But the top requirement for the job is that you can do the job.
Inject as much of your personality as you want, but don’t let doing that get in the way of selling them on your skills and experience.
If you feel like your stories are weak, improve the stories, don’t just substitute personality nuggets for strong stories.
If you’d like more help on your stories, let me know.
